Friday, September 21, 2007

Forgotten Mistakes/Forbidden Sins

They can't all be good decisions, right? And, we are collectively learning that the Internet makes it pretty hard to keep out mistakes safely buried in the past. Thanks to Google, entirely too many people know about my undergraduate fascination with the Atari Lynx, my affinity for shore diving, and, yes, my brief acting turn in an erotic thriller.

It was 1998, I was living in New York, going to grad school. I was meeting a lot of interesting people, including some actors, directors, and production artists. One day, while sitting in my studio, staring at a blank piece of watercolor paper, I received a call from an acquaintance who needed bodies in a hurry. There wasn't much budget, there wasn't much time, and they were pretty much dragging in anyone who owed them a favor or, like myself, was naive enough to think of it as an adventure.

The movie was Forbidden Sins, starring Shannon Tweed. All you need to know about it can be gleaned from the IMDB's plot keywords: "Sex scene standing up," "Lesbian Scene," and "Nude woman murdered."

I was supposed to be an extra, milling around in the back of a police station. But, when an actor flaked out, I, being the right height for the blocking and already in schleppy-cop costume, was suddenly promoted the role of "Polygraph Technician." And so, a star was born. A star that shone all the brighter for shining so briefly.

A fair number of people have been stumbling across this little gem from my past lately, and asking me about it. To save everyone the trouble of renting this soft-porn turkey, I've lovingly adapted the entirety of my screen time into easily-digestible comics format, below. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Forbidden Sins.

That's right. Death by orgy, baby.


f is for Fer; he failed to floss said...

Polygraph Technician, you neglected to include these plot keywords: Lawyer, Stripper, Sex, Murder, Nudity, Rape, Strip Club, Independent Film.

IMDB, you neglected to include this performance keyword: Awesome.

And how in the world is Shannon Tweed ten years older than me? And birthing the children of Gene Simmons?!? Damn, the 1980s have a lot to answer for.

chrishaley said...

This may be my favorite thing you've done ever.

Also, what the hell is shore diving?

chrishaley said...

Also, you'll notice (now that we're Netflix friends) there's been a new addition to my queue.

Unknown said...

That is HILARIOUS! Being unfamiliar with the film, I can't comment on it's quality but you sure do make it shine in that panel sequence. Super nice.

Pulpatooner said...


Thanks. I'm no actor, but one does try one's awesomest in all situations.

As far as Shannon Tweed goes, having never read the words strung together before, this is the first time I've realized just how unsettling the words "Gene Simmons' girlfriend" really are. Those three words just conjure up all sorts of stories, and they're all sordid.

Mr. Haley,

Shore diving is pretty much what it sounds like: deep sea diving, only, you know, not so deep. Pretty much all the stuff you want to see is along the shore anyway, and it's a lot easier to break for fish-tacos at lunch.

I'm delighted to see that you're renting our little magnum opus, Netflix buddy. You'll have to invite me over when the disc arrives. After almost ten years, I wonder if I'll even recognize myself? I also insist on inviting myself over when Wild Zero arrives. The review of it on the Invincible Super-Blog was the most entertaining thing I've read in a long time. Watching the movie seems like an annotation to the review as the primary source of amusement.


Thanks! It was a lot of fun to draw. It makes me wish my movie career had lasted a little longer, so that I had some more fodder for cartoons.

Unknown said...

I also have to send a big thanks for the IMDb link. It allowed me to waste time on the old glowing cyclops checking in on my own brush with second tier cinema.

I had worked in a warehouse with a guy, Richard Aguayo, whose claim to fame was playing Sgt. Gomez in an Oscar contender by the name of Chill Factor. A movie about two guys containing a major biological threat in an ice cream truck. It had Cuba Gooding Jr. in it but I'd put good money down that the script wasn't much better than your own gem.

The Ichthyophile said...


Robert Ullman said...

I want YouTube.

My old roommate Blackie and I sat through several late-night Shannon Tweed vehicles while splitting an apartment and sharing nocturnal schedules back in the 90s. Too lazy to actually remember the names of any of 'em, we referred to them (as well as all HBO soft-core fare) collectively as TEENAGE TIT in "What're we watching?" "Teenage Tit Freaks." A surprising number of these pictures also starred William "The Greatest American Hero" Katt.

Pulpatooner said...


Always glad to help aid a fellow procrastinator! And, I remember seeing ads for Chill Factor! It was in those innocent early days when we still thought Cuba had a real career in his future, before it became some very clear that he had no interest in actually using his talent. Ah, for those simpler times!


Right back atcha, babe.


Extra brownie points to anyone with the werewithall to post the Polygraph Technician scene on YouTube! Although, again, I have to repeat that this was awhile ago, and I may look very different in this movie than you know me now. Like, I might be few decades older, overweight, or of a different ethnicity. Because I'm just that good an actor.

Stephanie Han Windham said...

How did I not know about this? This was bigger than Thomas' Prada shoes!