Friday, December 22, 2006

Happy Holidays! Let's drink turpentine!

The lovely wife and I seem to be developing an annual tradition of spending way too much time and effort making presents that we could have bought for a quarter the price (Oh, Mr. Smith, when will we learn?). This year, it's flavored liquers. "Liquers" is the polite word. "Combustibles" might be the accurate one.

For me, this project was all about getting to make stamps for the labels. We had a lot of fun looking up old snake oil and voodoo labels for reference.

Of course, now our brew is all bottled and ready to go out the door, to bring happiness to our friends and all their furniture-stripping needs, but we still have these groovy-but-project-specific stamps.

I should find another use for them. Maybe a comic strip starring a sailor named "Scurvy Abater" and his hard-nosed pal, "Gut Tonic." "Piquant Tipple" would be the would be the foppish hobo who lives in the alley behind their house with his scruffy dog, "Floor Wash." And on Saturday, they all go to see their favorite band, "Vanilla Cure & Catharsis."

Anyway, Happiest of Happies, y'all. See you in the New Year.


Anonymous said...

If it's strong enough, we just might be able to get the DeLorean up to 88 mph so me and Doc can finally get back to 1985! Far out!

Pulpatooner said...

Hmmm... depends on just how much of the DeLorean is made out of stainless steel. I'd hate for it to eat through your gas tank and leave you stranded in this dark, dystopian future.

michelle said...

A "foppish hobo" would be a very conflicted individual. Even so, I think that is now my new career ambition.

Pulpatooner said...


In full support of your new direction in life, I refer you to the following resourse:

And an update on the hootch: a case of our lovingly crafted homemade rocket fuel was confiscated at the Memphis International Airport. Because USAirways hates Santa Claus. And, apparently, they don't want their planes to catch fire.

The bad news is, this means there will be no Christmas for those the lovely wife and I visit on our holiday peregrinations. Cue the crying orphans.

The good news is, we can now claim to even the most casual acquaintance that we had a really, really nice present for them.

Chris Pitzer said...

Is this what Danny Davito was drinking before the View? Cause y'know... The View is my Universe.

Happiness to you and the Mrsssss.

The Ichthyophile said...

Wooo! That stuff looks like it would make Klingon Firewater taste like a virgin daiquiri!!!

Wassail, everyone!

Anonymous said...

I bet those airport folk leapt at the chance to clean their floors--ack, I mean of course that they wanted to avoid scurvy, wait, I mean wow, they wanted throw a party! Well, I guess what I'm trying to say is that they Knew a Good Thing when they saw it. As, um, do we all. Wassail!

Stephanie Han Windham said...

Hey, where's mine? Hope you and the missus are having a groovy holiday season :)

Pulpatooner said...


Yes, Scurvy-Abater does have some documented side effects. These include extreme puckering, dizziness, and tirades against the President.

As a certain Klingon once asked:
Qu' botlhobbogh boSovbe'.
HIvje' vItlhutlhbogh botlhutlhrup'a'?
SoD vISIQbogh boSIQrup'a'?

Y'know, I hope they did take 'em out back and have a little party. I hate to think of our holiday hootch getting tossed in the same Dempsey Dumpster as every seized bottle of shampoo over 4 ounces.

The lovely wife should get on here and narrate the conversation she had with the Security Guys. It's pretty funny.

Due to the fact that Homeland Security hates Christmas, these have become Memphis-exclusives. So come on down! We'll ply you with catfish and barbecue and unpleasantly strong liquer!

Happy New Year, everybody!